What Does It Mean?
A "Pick Me" is someone — traditionally a woman, though the term has expanded — who goes out of their way to differentiate themselves from their own gender to gain approval, typically from men. The classic move is putting other women down while positioning themselves as the "cool" exception.
Think: "I'm not like other girls, I actually eat burgers and watch football." As if other women are a monolith of salad-eating, sports-hating stereotypes. The "pick me" is essentially auditioning to be chosen by performing what they think makes them special — usually at the expense of everyone else.
Where Did It Come From?
The concept of "pick me" behavior has existed forever, but the specific term gained traction on Black Twitter around 2016-2018. It comes from the idea of someone metaphorically raising their hand and shouting "pick me! pick me!" like a desperate contestant.
The phrase blew up further on TikTok where creators started calling out "pick me" behavior in viral videos. It became one of the internet's most used criticism labels — sometimes accurately, sometimes as a way to police any woman who has an opinion that doesn't match the group consensus.
How To Use It
Identifying pick me behavior: "She tweeted 'I don't understand why girls wear makeup, I just wake up and go' — total pick me energy."
As an adjective: "That was such a pick me thing to say."
The male version: "Pick me boys" also exist — guys who perform sensitivity or self-deprecation to stand out. "I'm not like other guys, I actually respect women" (said while doing the bare minimum).
When NOT To Use It
Here's where it gets complicated. Not every woman who disagrees with popular opinion is a "pick me." The term gets weaponized to shut down women who simply have different preferences or hobbies. A woman who genuinely loves sports isn't a pick me. A woman who doesn't wear makeup isn't a pick me. It's only "pick me" when someone is performing difference specifically to gain approval while tearing others down.
Using "pick me" to bully women into conformity is just as toxic as pick me behavior itself. Read the room.
The Verdict
"Pick me" is a useful term for calling out performative behavior that thrives on putting others down. But it's also been overused to the point where having any unique opinion risks getting you labeled. The real test: are they expressing a genuine preference, or are they performing for an audience? That's the difference between a person with tastes and a pick me. 🙋♀️